What is lost
by Centrau guardian
Summary: Final Fantasy VII. Something that has been lost must eventually be found, and Harry finds himself travelling incredibly far to find what is hidden from him... SLASH
1. Shall Remain

Disclaimer : I do not own Harry Potter or Final fantasy VII. However, I do own the concept of Daklrean, and anything else you may not recognise.  
Warnings for entire story : Slash, femslash, het, gore, angst, taboo subjects, CROSSOVER with Final Fantasy VII.  
Warnings for this chapter : None 

What is lost…

Chapter One – Shall Remain

On a cold dark night, on the idyllic road of Privet Drive, it is sometimes possible to see a pale, bespectacled face staring out of one of the upper windows at number 14. This face offers no explanation as to why it is there. Completely blank and expressionless, it seems to simply gaze into the stars, seeking a far off world. But no one witnessed this face. No one walked down privet Drive at night, and the dirty man hidden to mortal eyes snored away in the bushes.  
This ordinary face belonged to a not so ordinary boy. He preferred to be known only as Harry – resentment towards his surname having grown after all the trouble it brought him.  
Harry sighed softly as he watched the stars. A hand reached up to rub awkwardly across his chest. For some time now he had felt a desperate yearning for something he didn't know. He stayed up tonight – the eve of his seventeenth birthday – in a strange sense of hope that it would bring answers with it. All wizards and witches knew that their seventeenth brought their full power and true selves into being.  
And in that the reason for his being extraordinary resided. Harry was a wizard, and a "thumping good one" at that. He had faced down men more powerful than himself too many times; revealed hidden strength at the very moment, and escaped death so many times. Some part of him was frightened by the thought of how much power he would gain tonight, but most of him felt like a missing piece of him was _finally_ coming home.  
For the whole of his life he had felt, incomplete. Deep down inside him he could sense a strange block, something that had stolen a piece of him and kept it just out of his reach all of these years.  
His eyes slipped to the clock next to his bed. The discoloured hands pointed so very close to twelve now. He had once used a digital clock, but the harshly glowing red digits had raised a sense of fright in him that had caused him to hide it away.  
The second hand ticked away, closing on the Twelfth hour. Harry straightened and turned away from the window, focusing all of his attention on the herald of a new life. A sense of thrill passed through him as the steadily moving hand hit eleven.  
This was it. Finally he would know what it was that plagued him.  
4…  
3…  
2…  
1… He closed his eyes in anticipation and waited.  
And waited.  
And waited.  
He wrinkled his brow in confusion. He wasn't quite sure if he should open his eyes. Maybe his clock was just fast?  
The block was still rooted in his chest.  
It felt like hours had passed by in the time he opened his eyes, but the clock showed him only ten minutes had. He had sat in wavering anticipation, and a growing feel of despair, not daring to open his eyes to the truth.  
And now it hit him full in the face. Frustration brought tears to his eyes. He turned around, a desperate hope that some mystical being was stood behind him crushed when nothing appeared before his eyes.  
Bitterness flooded his chest, surrounding the deep sense of something missing. Salty tears flowed from his scrunched up eyes, and he fell into a foetal form on the floor.  
He clawed at the emptiness beneath his torso. A muffled sob escaped him and his other hand reached up to cover his mouth.  
He remained in that position until dawn, when he finally fell asleep and began to toss and turn in fretful dreams.  
And even as the very minute of his birth came and went, nothing happened.  
Nothing what-so-ever.


	2. Shall Cause You Pain

Disclaimer : I do not own Harry Potter or Final fantasy VII. However, I do own the concept of Daklrean, and anything else you may not recognise.  
Warnings for entire story : Slash, femslash, het, gore, angst, taboo subjects, CROSSOVER with Final Fantasy VII.  
Warnings for this chapter : Angst AUTHORS NOTE : Reviews, especially critique would be greatly appreciated! 

What is Lost…

Chapter Two – Shall Cause You Pain

Three days had passed since Harry's uneventful birthday. He was currently involved in completing his chores as thoroughly as he could, in an attempt to block the memory out of his mind.  
But the pain festered. He was supposed to be the Savior! He _knew_ he wasn't anywhere near Voldemort's level of magic yet. How could he ever expect to defeat him if there was still part of him _missing_?  
And that was the thing. It wasn't so much a feeling of a lack of power that plagued him; it was a feeling that something was physically _missing_.  
It hurt. It hurt so much.  
"Psst!"  
A low sound from the bushes shook him from his depressing thoughts. His hands stilled in their weeding movements. Then he panicked.  
_He'd left his wand inside_  
"Psst!"  
He leapt to his feet in fright, grabbing the small trowel that rested beside him. It wasn't much of a weapon but anything would do.  
"Harry!"  
It knew his _name_!  
He swallowed anxiously, then called out nervously, "Whu… What do you want?"  
There was a rustling from the bushes, then a soft sound of cloth moving, and a head appeared next to the rose plant.  
"Merlin!" Harry stumbled back in shock and dropped his trowel.  
The head chuckled quietly. "No, but thank you for the compliment!"  
Harry stared for a moment, before regaining his ability to speak. "Pro… Professor Lupin?"  
Remus Lupin's head smiled at him, the movement emphasizing the creases in his skin that had already begun to form. The three scars across his face tautened in response.  
It felt wrong that he looked so manic while being so nice.  
"Yes it's me. Who on earth did you think it was?"  
Harry giggled nervously, then threw himself at his teacher, hugging him tightly.  
After a moment of surprise, Lupin did the same, nuzzling his cub's hair and drawing in the scent of his family. "And call me Remus, Harry. How many times do I have to tell you!"  
Harry giggled again, then released his professor, pulling back and quickly taking in the drawn form of Remus' face. "Are you okay?"  
Remus sighed softly. "I will be Harry, don't worry."  
A concerned frown flitted across Harry's face, before he swept it away with a grin. It still amazed Remus how much Harry hid himself. Often there were scents which didn't quite match with his expression.  
Like now. Remus could smell the deep pain and unrest in his cub's soul, and he was deeply saddened that Harry didn't think he could share it with him.  
"Harry, are you..."  
"So, why are you here?"  
There was a tenseness to Harry's expression that warned Remus that he would not be able to get anything out of the boy that day. He sighed, then pulled up his own mask of a smile.  
"Well, it's been enough time after your birthday that you'll have settled into your new powers…" Remus stopped. Harry had gone completely still. The scent of pain had engulfed any other, and the wolf in him was screaming to protect his cub.  
"Harry?"  
"I… I don't have any… powers."  
The wolf silenced in shock.  
"Come now Harry, I'm sure something..."  
"Nothing happened _Remus_!" Harry pulled completely away and turned his back to Remus. "No lights, no music, no mystical people, no locks breaking, NOTHING!" By this point Harry's voice had risen to a shout, broken by retching sobs.  
Remus was silent, eyes wide.  
Harry trembled.  
"Nothing."  
Remus swallowed at the heartbreak in that last word. He didn't want to believe him, but his entire being was crying out that it was true.  
"Harr..."  
"Don't you get it Remus!" Harry sun around, self loathing written across his face. "I'm useless to you! I can't defeat Voldemort! I can't be your weapon!"  
A part of Remus reeled in shock at those words.  
An even deeper part felt guilt.  
He paused at that, and realized that yes, a part of him had considered Harry as a means to end this war, and not as the human being he was.  
He _hated_ himself then. This was James' son! His own cub!  
What kind of monster _was_ he?  
Remus looked up into Harry's angry face, and a thrill of shock pierced through him as he realized that he desperately didn't want to be anywhere near the boy. Didn't want to hurt him in his sudden fury with himself. The wolf was howling within him, rebelling against him.  
It was too close to the full moon.  
He staggered to his feet, then turned and ran from the crumpling boy behind him. He could hear the gulping sobs, the interspersed mewls of pain.  
They pierced his heart.  
As Harry watched the fleeing head of his mentor disappear, he let loose a call. The block in his soul didn't fade, but seemed instead to reach for something he couldn't describe.  
And on a world many times and spaces away, three souls paused and brightened in joy, as the thing they had been waiting for finally reached for them.


	3. Affects Everything

And now that I've got this chapter out of the way, I can finally move on to the real story! Yes folks, the abysmally slow pace that has held up so far is gonna completely go in the next chapter! I've been looking forwards to this for so long! As for how late this is... I lost the original version. Decided to completely rewrite it. Found it. Hated it. Completely changed it. Got writer's block. And, finally, got my act together. The WON'T be another wait like this, I promise. Thank you so much to my reviewers! I love you all! And those who added me to faves/alerts/C2s. You guys rock!

To answer some questions - This follows book 5 in HP. Not book 6. (This was an accident btw... sheepish grin) And it follows FF VII but NOT Advent Children. There will be some MINOR tweakings of FF7 plot. Nothing major, I promise.

Warnings - Angst.

Disclaimer - I don't own FF7 or HP. Wish I did. The game would be much more based around Sephiroth if I did!

-----------------

Break - Gaea

"What the fuck?"

"Sir! The readings are off the chart!"

"Location?"

"The Crater, Sir! Initialising video read out!"

"Holy... There's a second one!"

"WHAT!?!"

"It's at Mideel, Sir!"

"Mideel!?! It's a ghost town! What could happen there!?!"

"Some of the villagers did return Sir... but..."

"Speak up Cadet!"

"Sir! Both places have high concentrations of Lifestream, Sir!"

"Video read out initialised!"

"Main screen!"

Silence.

"Holy mother of Gaea..."

"Nuh... no! It can't...!!! NO!!!!"

-------------------

Chapter Three - Earth - Affects Everything

Harry slumped to the floor. Spasms shook his body. Harsh sobs tore at his throat, and he curled up to place his hands over his head.

How pathetic he was. How utterly useless. Defeat the Dark Lord? HAH! As if!

He chuckled bitterly, gasping between his tears.

Everyone had abandoned him. Remus had fled at the realisation that this _boy_ could not defeat Voldemort. Sirius... Oh Merlin _Sirius_! It was all Harry's fault. All his fault.

"Harry?"

He ignored it. They should leave. Leave before he got them killed too. Leave before they discovered how worthless he was. Leave before they lost all hope too.

"Merlin, Harry!" Someone raced over to him and knelt down, putting their arms around him. "Harry! Harry!?! Answer me Harry! What's wrong!?!"

He knew them. A fleeting image of pink hair raced through his mind, and he threw himself further into her arms, burying his face in her shoulder. "Sorry. So sorry. Oh God. Sorry."

The voice took an authorative air. "You have nothing to be sorry for Harry. Nothing. Look at me Harry," demand coloured her words. "Look at me!"

He lifted a tear-stained face to gaze at her, and she stared straight into his eyes.

"It was not your fault. You hear me? No one blames you Harry!"

He buried his face in her shoulder again, hiding from the truth he was frightened to hear.

"Oh, Harry," she pulled him up and kissed his forehead. "We believe in you Harry. We'll never let you face this alone."

They believed in him. Oh God. And he couldn't live up to that. He didn't have the _strength_, the _power_. He would NEVER have it now. Seventeen had passed and still, still he wasn't strong enough.

His body began to spasm with his pain.

"Moody! The Portkey!"

Something was said back, but Harry couldn't hear it over his own pain-filled noises.

"Damnit Moody! Fuck vigilance! He needs his friends! Give me the FUCKING PORTKEY!"

And with a whisper of speech and a hook in his navel, Harry found himself out of those arms and landing on a cold floor. Exclaims of delight quickly turned into surprise and concern. He sobbed brokenly as another set of arms came to encircle him.

"Shhhh, Harry. Shhhh. We're here now. We love you Harry. Shhhh."

Hermione! She stroked his back and laid her cheek on top of his head. Another set of arms hugged him from the other side.

"She's right Harry," Ron! "We're always here for you mate. Always."

He cried into their arms. They were here. His friends. He reached an arm round to hang on to them both, and the three of them wept together.

-----------------------------------

They were laid on the floor, Hermione's head on Harry's chest and Ron curling an arm underneath his shoulders. The tears had exhausted them, and they dozed quietly.

"Harry?" Hermione murmured.

"Mmmhmm?" Harry shifted slightly, Ron releasing an incoherent sound of protest and curling slightly closer.

" 'M gonna f'gure som'ing ou'... 'Ere's a p'ssage... Dak'ee or som'ing... I'll wo..."

"Shut up 'Mione," Ron growled. "Trynna sleep."

Harry chuckled quietly at Hermione's lazy move to slap Ron. "Leave till mornin'. Thanks 'Mione."

A snore answered him.


End file.
